While, for many, the holiday season is all about joy and happiness and (re)connecting, it brings anxiety and stress for some. This happens for many reasons, including spending time with friends and family we don't often see eye to eye. A spiritual teacher, Ram Dass, once said, 'If you think you're enlightened, go and spend the week with your family.' Still, the challenges are often opportunities to learn and change. Last year, I wrote about ‘navigating the holiday season using Buddhist principles’. This year, I will focus on a more contemporary type of wisdom offered by Social Psychology and the theory of perspective-taking.
Perspective-taking refers to the ability to understand and consider the thoughts, feelings, and viewpoints of others. It involves stepping into someone else's shoes, trying to see the world from their eyes, and understanding their emotions and motivations. This cognitive and empathic process is crucial for effective communication, social interaction, and building meaningful relationships. I think we can all agree it is an important skill to practice and master and so relevant not only for the holiday season when confronted with different beliefs and values but in life in general. With so much polarisation regarding many important issues today, both in social interactions and social media, we would all benefit more from trying to understand each other rather than becoming instantly reactive.
Three types of perspective-taking
According to one theory, there are three types of perspective-taking: monological, dialogical and metalogical. People who take a monological perspective approach arguments with a monologue. They don't care about or consider anyone else's view but their own and dismiss any alternatives. People who take a dialogical perspective engage in a dialogue acknowledging others and alternative perspectives, not dismissing them, even if they believe them to be wrong and sticking to their beliefs. People who hold methodological perspectives use a discussion and an encounter with the alternative belief to reflect and question their own. An exchange does not become defensive and reactive but a platform to affirm or challenge one's beliefs, to grow and learn. It is essential to mention that these are not personal traits but types of perspectives we take when confronted with an opposing view and that we often adopt different perspectives in different contexts or situations.
Importance of Adopting a Methodological Perspective
I think we can agree that we would live in a different world if we all practised a more methodological way of perspective-taking, and holidays are not an exception. In fact, it might be a perfect time to practice this skill. This season should be about love, kindness, understanding, and cultivating empathy, which is closely tied to perspective-taking. By actively considering someone else's perspective, individuals can better connect emotionally with others, fostering a sense of empathy and compassion.
Individuals who engage in perspective-taking are more likely to engage in prosocial behaviour, or actions that benefit others. Understanding the needs and emotions of others fosters a sense of social responsibility and a willingness to contribute to the well-being of those around us - such a valuable skill to practice over the holidays. Perspective-taking can challenge and reduce stereotypes and prejudices. When people actively consider the experiences of others, they are more likely to recognise the diversity within a group and appreciate each person's individuality, breaking down stereotypes and promoting a more inclusive mindset.
Even if, from our perspective, the beliefs of another seem delusional or even dangerous, heated arguments will not change them; they can only affirm them. In conflicts, understanding the perspectives of all parties involved is essential for finding common ground and resolving issues. Perspective-taking enables individuals to see beyond their viewpoints, fostering compromise and collaborative problem-solving.
Practising perspective-taking
Things are often easier said than done, and change takes time. If you tend to become reactive, know that this is often an emotional reaction triggered by something we are not consciously aware of. We often react with anger to something not only because we are so passionate about the subject but also, or more often so, because of some injustice that happened to us a long time ago. Understanding this is a good starting point, I believe.
The upbringing and culture undeniably influence our beliefs, and those can be changed if we take a step back and look at things from a different perspective. This is why it is said that travelling broadens your mind - when exposed to different social layers, cultures, norms, views, and truths; we start to realise that our norms, truths, and views are just a version of many others. But we don't need to travel to expose ourselves to different realities, there are many all around us. Holidays are about kindness, and that should extend beyond our family. Bring a cake to your lonely neighbour or invite them for tea or Christmas dinner. Volunteer at a local soup kitchen or take presents to a children's home. Bring food and blankets to a dog shelter.
We often need to step back to be able to gain a broader perspective of the situation we are in. I sometimes guide my students through visualisation using Garuda, or mythical eagle, as an inspiration to rise above a situation we are conflicted with and adopt a bird's view of ourselves and others in that situation. Yoga is all about peace and understanding of another, about seeing the oneness and not the differences. This is a good reminder to practice when challenged with opposing views at a Christmas table.
Final thoughts
In summary, perspective-taking in social psychology is a crucial cognitive and empathic skill that contributes to effective communication, strengthens relationships, reduces prejudice, and promotes prosocial behaviour. It is vital in fostering understanding and cooperation in diverse social contexts, ultimately contributing to a more empathetic and interconnected society. It requires cognitive flexibility, the ability to adapt and shift one's thinking based on different situations and perspectives. This cognitive skill is valuable in navigating the complexity of social interactions and adapting to diverse social environments, including navigating the holiday season. Like any skill, it can be learned with practice, and we can get better at it in time, helping create a more mindful society.
