Emotional regulation is an important skill for our overall mental health and the health of our relationships. This is why I included emotional regulation tools in Spanda Institute's 300-hour YTT and Yoga Therapy training; understanding emotions and tools for emotional regulation is essential for teachers and therapists (and humans in general). In this blog, I want to shed some light on what emotional regulation is and what it isn't and share some tools and strategies you can use.
What it is and what it isn't
To understand emotional regulation, it is helpful first to define emotional dysregulation so we understand what we are attempting to regulate. Emotional dysregulation is the inability to control one's emotional responses, especially those overwhelming and extreme, leaving one with a sense of powerlessness, shame, and guilt. These responses can be triggered by stress, both physical and emotional, but more often than not, the cause is much more complex and can involve past or present trauma we may or may not be aware of.
You may have noticed that you are less reactive when rested and well; you don't get easily angry, sad or anxious, and you are more reactive when you are tired or when something is challenging happening in your life. If you have, congrats; it means you are quite self-aware. However, self-awareness does not come easily when it comes to emotions, and this is because some of them have always been around, and we see them as character traits. Still, they might be a defence mechanism or an adaptation rather than who you are. For example, people might say they are hyper-sensitive or very emphatic if they easily tune in to how others feel and (over)react to certain events. But, what we see as being 'sensitive' can be an adaptation arising from early trauma or an unpredictable environment - people may be hyper-attune to those around them to stay safe.
Emotional regulation is not about controlling one's emotions entirely; our emotions are essential for survival, growth, and connection to ourselves and others. However, extreme and overwhelming emotions often don't serve us and sometimes make us feel powerless and do and say things we later regret. Therefore, emotional regulation is about effectively managing and modulating one's emotions constructively, learning how to acknowledge and understand them while cultivating strategies to become more resilient, emotionally aware, stable, and mature.
Emotional regulation tools
Labelling
Being aware of one's emotions without judgment is essential. This involves acknowledging all emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, and accepting them as valid aspects of the human experience. By accepting and learning from their emotional experiences, individuals can gain insight into themselves, develop coping skills, and cultivate greater resilience and maturity. A beneficial way of doing this is journaling. Whenever you feel sad, overwhelmed, anxious, or angry, write it down, starting with naming the emotion, describing the event that caused it, and describing how you feel.
Accepting
Accepting emotions involves acknowledging and understanding them without judgment. This process fosters self-awareness by helping individuals recognise their emotional experiences and the underlying reasons for them. Emotions are a part of being human; accepting emotions as a natural part of the human experience can lead to greater emotional resilience. Rather than suppressing or avoiding emotions, learn to tolerate and cope effectively (pause for a moment, take a breath, label). This can strengthen your ability to navigate challenging situations and resilience to difficult ones. Embracing positive and negative emotions is essential for personal growth and development.
Cognitive Reappraisal
This involves identifying and challenging negative thought patterns or irrational beliefs that contribute to emotional distress and replacing them with more balanced and realistic thoughts. For example, when you feel less reactive, return to your journal and consider how to rewrite this narrative more positively. Notice the words you are using and see if you can rephrase them more realistically. For example, "This always happens to me, I always xyz..." can be "This sometimes happens to me, sometimes I too, just like other people, experience xyz." If you are still feeling the same, don't rewrite anything. Your thoughts and emotions at the time might not have been irrational; this exercise is just about revisiting the narratives from a different perspective and evaluating them.
Management techniques
Practices like mindfulness, meditation, relaxation techniques, and restorative yoga, for example, can help you cope with stressors and prevent emotions from becoming overwhelming. So does time management, setting boundaries, and engaging in activities that promote physical, mental, and emotional well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, spending time with loved ones, eating well, sleeping well, spending time in nature, etc. Learning techniques and strategies you can apply when you feel emotional dysregulation is also essential and can help you pause before you react in the future. This can be a breathing technique, splashing your face with cold water or movement (shaking it off, grounding techniques, jumping in one place). Working with a therapist can provide you with additional tools and techniques for managing emotions and a supportive environment to explore and process them.
Self-compassion
Being kind and understanding toward oneself during emotional distress can help regulate emotions. Self-compassion involves treating oneself with the same care and compassion that one would offer to a friend facing similar difficulties. Recognising and understanding your triggers (through journaling, talking to a friend, and therapy) can help you understand the 'why' and encourage self-compassion.
Emotional regulation fosters well-being, resilience, and growth by cultivating awareness, acceptance, and adaptive coping strategies for managing emotions effectively. It is vital for mental health and the health of our relationships. The emotional regulation tools mentioned here can be used alone or in combination, depending on your preferences and the specific context of the situation. Experimenting with different strategies can help you find what works best for you.
